Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Out of the Shadows

“Learn your lessons well in the schoolroom of obscurity. God is preparing you as his chosen arrow. As of now your shaft is hidden in his quiver, in the shadows … but at the precise moment at which it will tell with the greatest effect, he will reach for you and launch you to that place of his appointment.”

- Chuck Swindoll

It is exactly this for which I am praying. Now that God has removed the scales from my husband’s eyes, I can see no hindrance, save my own excuses, for holding back from the purpose for which God has prepared me.

I dare say that I believe he desires to use my resolved pain and grateful witness to encourage others and help lift their heads – as he has with endless measure on my account throughout these past two decades of journeying toward Home.

Yet I hesitate. In seeking God’s will I doubt my own. I challenge myself to step out—then hold back, unsure of my motivation. The last thing I want is to seek glory, to build a castle for myself out of the rubble my healer dragged me from beneath. And so I stand with mired feet, gazing upon the heap. Wondering how anything of worth could come from so worthless a ruin.

Perhaps one piece at a time. Brick by brick. Stone by stone.

Lord, help me to drop those stones I would so quickly hurl in shame or regret. Lead me to unbury the rocks hewn from your grace and remind me that you ready me for the rebuilding.

Not for my sake, but for yours.